Aug 28 2008
Wiping your Butt on the Stars and Stripes
Believe me, that’s one flag you’re gonna be only too eager to burn!
Picture the scene - The White House, Washington, a beautiful Fourth of July. Over a bucket of southern fried chicken, the President and the First Lady are soaking up some rays in the Rose Garden and discussing who’s been evicted from Big Brother. Suddenly, the biggest squadron of helicopters ever assembled roars overhead. They hover. All their doors slide open. In unison, thousands of passengers hang their bare butts out and… take a dump. The White House, the President and the First Lady are buried under a mountain of–
I think you get the picture.
Now, once my American readers have finished with their death threats, I imagine you’ve got one question. I’ll guess it’s this one - what in hell am I talking about to want to desecrate the American culture so horribly?
‘Desecrate’. Now there’s a good word.
Many Native American tribes hold the San Francisco Peaks mountain range of Northern Arizona sacred.
- The Apache believe souls go there on their way to heaven.
- The Hopi make pilgrimages there.
- The Navajo believe them to be the Garden of Eden.
So?
Despite monumental objections from these Indian tribes, a ski resort was built in the 1970s, the courts having decided the mountains belonged to ALL the people, not just the Indians, so a ski resort was the ideal way for ALL the people to benefit.
Zoom ahead 30 years…
Climate change means the mountains have little snowfall. And people can’t ski without snow!
The only solution is to make snow. How?
Every day, they pump 1.5 million gallons of effluent onto the mountain. Yes, effluent. As in what you flush down your toilet!
Despite monumental objections from these Indian tribes… yada, yada, yada…
1.5 million gallons of effluent!
While that’s obviously the most cost-effective means of making artificial snow in Arizona, what would happen if we treated other sacred ground with such utter contempt?
What if we dumped 1.5 million gallons of crap on the Vatican? Would the millions of American Catholics shrug it off? Or would US cities see overturned cars and burning buildings?
How about dumping all that crap on Mecca? Do you think the world’s one billion Muslims would see the funny side? Or would it lead to Armageddon!?
But it’s okay to dump it on a mountain. Okay to crap all over American citizens’ human rights.
But let’s put human rights violations aside for a moment - the way politicians and corporations do.
Okay, so are there any other problems here?
Well, what happens when skiers learn what they’re skiing on? Even if the wonders of modern technology have magically turned the mountains into a winter wonderland, would you like you or your kids to fall flat on your faces in a pile of this, er, ‘snow’?
Of course the effluent that makes this ‘snow’ has been declared safe. As safe as drinking water, in fact. The problem is that’s only because it appears to have been ’selectively’ tested. Extensive testing paints a different picture of this ‘safe drinking water’.
- Would you like your kids drinking water containing traces of Viagra?
- Or do you think kids can never have too many erections!?
- How about the anti-depressant Prozac?
- Or do your kids have it hard at school so every little helps?
- And chemicals that can turn male frogs into female frogs?
- Fine if little Tommy always dreamed of being little Tammy, but should après ski involve watching your son grow breasts?
“Transgender skiing - for the man who has everything. Almost.” An interesting angle for the ski resort’s promotion!
Now, why would corporations believe skiers want to ski not just in other people’s crap, but crap that’s laced with dangerous toxins?
Why? Because there’s big bucks in it!
This is the disdain with which big businesses treat their customers. You see,
- they’re not in business to please us.
- they’re not in business to sell us what we need.
- they’re not in business to keep the economy turning.
No. They’re in business to make profit!
And to bleed us dry, corporations will bend some rules and break others.
If we knew what really went on in the business world, on a daily basis, I’m sure a crap-covered mountain would be very pedestrian. Of course, we hear of corporations-
- occasionally using slave labour in sweatshops.
- occasionally disposing of waste illegally.
- occasionally bribing people to help them.
Occasionally!
But how many times do these things happen and we don’t hear about them?
If we’re going to stamp all over the rights of the individual for the sake of profit then aren’t we simply wiping our butts on the constitution, on the flag, on the principles our forefathers fought for and which make western democracy the great institution that it is?
Really, tell me.
I mean, what’s the difference: crapping all over the White House; crapping all over the Indians’ sacred mountains?
But I can imagine many people saying it’s only Indians. Only a minority group. It’s not a major issue, so it doesn’t really matter. Give them some ‘shiny beads’ and send them on their way.
Fair point. Might even work.
And as there’s always some injustice somewhere, what’s the point in sticking your neck out? All pain, no gain!
Another fair point.
Except…
Whose rights will be violated next?
- The elderly?
- Christians?
- Single parents?
- Children?
But isn’t hardship simply a reality of life?
Yes, because:
- people have different agendas.
- they never agree on the best course of action.
- it’s impossible to please everyone all the time.
Therefore, it’s impossible to end injustice everywhere. So why try?
Why?
Because if no one speaks out against injustice today, who’ll speak out tomorrow if the one being violated is you?
So go. See. Feel. Live.
Steve
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- Surviving the Horrors of Modern Life
- When Politicians Ruined the World
- China – Saddle up, Boys, We’re Going In!
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