Love is... Giving Everything You Possibly Can

Dec 04 2008

Love is… Giving Everything You Possibly Can

Published by Steve N. Lee at 8:15 pm under consumerism

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How better to show someone you love them than through giving? Only blowing every last penny it’s taken you months to earn, and then maxxing out your plastic on top of that, truly shows someone how much you care, doesn’t it?

Be it a birthday, anniversary, or Christmas, just give, give, give, give, GIVE! They’ll love you for it and know you love them.

So why do some gifts make people’s mouths smile like you’ve just given them a Ferrari while their eyes smile like you’ve just given them herpes?

Over the years, I’ve had my share of love. Sometimes expressed through gifts.

Sadly, there have been times when I’ve ripped the wrapping paper from a present only to have to force a beam of pleasure and a joyous “Ohhhh, how did you know I wanted that?”. Not fun.

I’m sure most people know that feeling: outwardly you’re overwhelmed by delight; inwardly you’re overwhelmed by the stupidity of wasting money on junk that will go straight into the cupboard under your sink.

If only there was something you could do to end the waste.

Well, if you could just be honest with the gift giver, you may never have to paint on that false smile again as you could receive things of true value. You’ll be happier receiving things you really want; the giver will be happier knowing their gifts are truly valued. Win:win.

But it goes much, much deeper than simply ensuring your Great Aunt Florence doesn’t give you yet another Christmas-themed cardigan.

See, all that stuff we don’t really want - where’s it go? Under the sink? In the cupboard under the stairs? In the attic? Basement?

No.

Ultimately, it all goes in landfill. Ultimately, it all pollutes the world. Ultimately, your Great Aunt Flo, and your deception, are killing the planet beneath an ever-growing mountain of crap.

Imagine the millions of tons of perfectly good products that lie rotting, mocking our aspirations to sustainability, as we scrimp and scrape for the money to lavish on more unwanted junk this Yuletide!

But it’s not just the garbage that’s the problem.

There’s all the resources that made that ‘crap’. Unwanted cosmetics, games no one plays, electrical goods that gather dust, ornaments too ugly to be seen, inappropriate clothes… Is that all these things are?

No. In reality they’re electricity, oil, materials - all wasted in manufacturing, transporting, and selling the stuff we never wanted. These resources can never be replenished - once the oil is gone, it’s gone. The same of copper, of gold, of gas, of everything.

But that’s not the end of it.

You see, all the stuff we insist on producing just to discard… that’s oil wasted that could have produced syringes to inject Third World kids with TB vaccines.
All the electricity wasted in manufacturing and displaying that junk could have been used to provide heating for our old folk who struggle to keep warm in the winter.
The wrapping paper, boxes, packing - that could’ve been books to better educate our kids so creating a better tomorrow for you, for me, for them, for everyone!

And the list goes on…

It’s three weeks till Christmas. We will probably spend trillions of dollars. Billions on utter CRAP. It’s so tempting -

what you got your brother looks kinda poky, so you’ll pick up any piece of crap to make his pile of gifts look as big as everyone else’s.
you don’t know what to get your dad, and though you’re sure you got the same last year, you’ll buy some piece of crap that’s related to his hobby in the hope it’ll muster a smile.
your best friend? You’ll buy that annoying novelty song CD for a joke.
you’ve no idea what to get your partner, so you’ll blitz the mall - buy armfuls of gifts in the vain hope at least one hits the mark.

Why?!

If you can’t buy what they want, what they’ll like, what they need, what they’ll use… don’t buy anything.

Give them money to treat themselves.
Give them your time to show you appreciate them.
Give them something that truly changes the world (last year Ania gave me a certificate to say she’d bought me a part share in a well in Bangladesh).

But, please, don’t buy junk just for the sake of buying something.

That doesn’t show people you love them. On the contrary, that shows the opposite: you didn’t care enough to discover what they truly wanted.

Worse, it shows you don’t care about what we’re doing to the world by frittering away its precious resources.

Worse still - yes, it’s possible - it shows you are weak-willed: you just blew your hard-earned money on utter crap because the media, peer pressure, and corporate marketing told you to.

Do you want your loved ones to think of you as selfish, weak-willed, and uncaring? Or do you want to be loved and appreciated, and see genuine smiles come Christmas morning?

Remember, a present isn’t just for show, it’s supposed to mean something.

So go. See. Feel. Live
Steve

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17 Responses to “Love is… Giving Everything You Possibly Can”

# Roxann Contrenchison 04 Dec 2008 at 9:54 pm

Steve, This is well written I just hope more people would take your advice. I’m giving money gift cards this year.
# Gary Doyleon 04 Dec 2008 at 10:46 pm

Steve, great article that makes total sense! Many a time I received something that was not used or needed… I have given all my clothes that I really like but have not been used since retirement. No clutter and gave it to charity and have a closet that is not full!
Health, prosperity and harmony to you,
Gary
# Tim Redfernon 05 Dec 2008 at 12:10 am

Hello, Steve! This is a wonderful post, coming at exactly the right time of year.
I was struck by something you said:
Give them something that truly changes the world (last year Ania gave me a certificate to say she’d bought me a part share in a well in Bangladesh).

This reminded me of an organisation called Heifer International. Send them a specific donation amount, and they will give, to a third-world family, a pair of goats, pigs cows, chickens, etc., so they may be able to both eat and make some money for themselves. Here’s the link:

http://www.heifer.org/

I suppose just about everyone reading this has heard the phrase, “Live simply that others may simply live”. Too few people do that. Too many people live above their means, even if they’re making over $100,000 per year. I believe that to be sinful and ridiculous. If you’ve been so blessed as to have that kind of income, try living well below your means, and donate your excess to people who have nothing. You’ll live without that flashy plasma screen tv or the 12 speaker stereo system for your house, and an entire family on the other side of the world will live, too. All it takes is love, compassion and kindness. I hope this is food for thought, no pun intended. Happy Holidays to everyone!
Namaste’!
Tim :-)
# Dalia E. Hettfieldon 05 Dec 2008 at 1:28 am

Hello dearest Steve:) This is a very interesting article. Thanks for the good advices too. This year I prefer to give some gift cards, in this way, the ones that I love,( they are millions) can buy whatever they like much.
Much Love as always,
Black Dalia:)
# Carolyn Tonahillon 05 Dec 2008 at 2:19 am

Steve, I applaud the content and spirit of this article wholeheartedly. Only a short while ago this evening, my special friend and I exchanged emails about our Christmas plans this year. He and I are pooling our resources–financial and time–to refurbish two bicycles. It will mean so much to the recipients…but it will never give them the joy it is going to give my friend and me in the doing. We will get names of children from a neighborhood church….it has an Angel Tree…and can identify children who most need and will benefit from the bikes. Starting tomorrow, I will be searching out safe and inexpensive parts for the two bikes. They will be sanded, repainted, come with inspection stickers, easy-to-read pamphlet or relevant laws, a bicycle lock, and will be registered with the local fire department, and include safety helmets for the young riders. I’ve not exchanged gifts in the traditional sense of the word in years…and I am never happier on Christmas morning than I am to awaken and know that some family has food in the pantry, warm coats for their children, or maybe even something so vital as having the family heating bill paid. Thank you for writing this piece….blessings to all who pause…and who take heed.
# Sueon 05 Dec 2008 at 8:08 am

Good advice Steve.. Gift cards and Money..You can’t lose and no waste..also some volunteer time wouldn’t hurt either..
# Steve N. Leeon 05 Dec 2008 at 6:12 pm

Thanks, Roxann. I do hope people stop to think about what they give. This year especially as the economy AND the environment are in such a mess.

Good on you, Gary! All that stuff will be a very welcome find to some one who’s not having the best of times at the moment.

I’ve given quite a bit of stuff to charity shops this year. Sadly, it hasn’t made much of a dent in all the clutter in our house!

Glad you liked the post.

Yes, Tim, I’ve heard of Heifer - I gave a family some ducks (or chickens, I forget) the other year. I figured a sustainable source of eggs would be a great gift - eat some, let the others hatch to sell or replace ones lost.

Living simply? Yep, you’re spot on, my friend. I do like the odd luxury, but people are just crazy these days for what they ‘need’ to live and what makes life not worth living if you don’t have it. (I’ve drafted a post on this very subject after hearing a national news report on people who have ’suffered’ because they’ve gone without luxuries.)

Yes, if people did as you suggest they’d be absolutely flabbergasted at what they can easily live without, so giving them the means to improve their lives in other ways, improve their immediate environment, or improve the lives of those around the other side of the world. But corporate marketing and peer pressure aren’t going to let that happen any time soon, are they?

Let’s hope my humble little post hits the mark with one or two readers.

Thanks for contributing, Tim. Glad there wasn’t a javascript problem this time!

Thanks all of you. Have a great weekend,
Steve
# Steve N. Leeon 05 Dec 2008 at 6:13 pm

I’m pleased you liked it, Dalia. There’s a lot to be said for keeping things simple. Okay, it means you don’t have a huge, gift-wrapped box to open Christmas Day, but it also means you won’t die with horror when you see what’s in that box! Giving people choice is a great gift in itself.

Thanks for dropping in.

Well, talk about preaching to the choir! Thanks, Carolyn. That’s great work you’re doing there. I can imagine the faces that will light up Christmas morning when gleaming bikes are presented to two tiny, deprived kids. That’s excellent. And the lengths you’re going to to ensure they’re safe riding/keeping them is great.

I do like family gift-giving, though, and will never give that up - I’ve always loved Christmas as my childhood ones were always so happy. Moderation and common sense are the key words, aren’t they?

Thanks for telling us about your wonderful endeavours.

Yes, no waste and nothing unwanted. You’re right, Sue.

Volunteering? If people have the time spare and the inclination, yes, that’s a wonderful gift for others who are often in desperate need at this time of year.

Thanks, Sue.

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone.
Steve
# Arielleon 05 Dec 2008 at 7:19 pm

Bravo, Steve - This article is always appropriate but never more than right now. One of our food shelters is running an ad that says “if you think a single can of peas won’t make a difference, you’re wrong - it will”. And right now a lot of stores are running, buy one, get one free sales - what an easy way to pack up a bag of food, eh?

Thank you for being one of the sensible ones - you’ve brightened my heart today!
# Steve N. Leeon 05 Dec 2008 at 7:40 pm

That’s a good slogan, Arielle. I wish you and your shelter the best of luck with your campaign.

Yes, if people are feeling a little philanthropic - and what better time to feel that way inclined - that’s an ideal opportunity to make a difference without it costing you one single penny!

Thanks for dropping in,
Steve
# Terrie Won 07 Dec 2008 at 12:43 am

Good and thoughtful post, Steve! As always :)

I am a utilitarian and always have been. Although we no longer put up christmas trees, or anything else for that matter, we do still give ‘a little something’ to eachother, family and close friends. That little something has always been things that are useful or can be used for more than a season or a year. In other words, we have never bought into the ‘crap’ comsumerism and have never gone into debt to finance gifts.

This year I am giving the one gift everyone in my family and close friends hammer me to make year round (but I only make it once a year either in the summer or the winter)–I am making jerky, not a few ounces–by the pound! I do this once a year because it is expensive (on my budget–it is expensive!) but I enjoy making it for everyone and I know none of it goes to waste and it is always very much appreciated. It is made from my heart and with love–something that cannot be bought in Sax or Macy’s!

As for me getting ’stuff’–I made it known decades ago that I want nothing for Christmas. I do not want nor desire ’stuff’. If people feel they just haaaave to give me something I would much rather have something someone has made from their heart than anything sitting in a department store. They all know this so they do not bother with ‘crap’ items. I usually get hand crotcheted afgans or homemade candies or hand-sewn caftans (all other clothing options are out!). The candies don’t last long LOL but the afgans and caftans last for decades!

I still have the very last quilt my great-grandmother ever made. She made it for me as a gift. That was given to me over 30 years ago and it still keeps me warm and it keeps her in my heart.
# Heidi M.on 07 Dec 2008 at 4:42 pm

I informed my family/friends that this would be a Buy Nothing Christmas (see http://www.buynothing.org). They informed me that they are getting me something anyway. **sigh** It’s a LONG road teaching the ones I love that I really don’t want ANYTHING for Christmas. It’s been difficult explaining to these adults that, unlike them, I don’t feel empty if I don’t have a box to open Christmas morning. What I want is for them to get along. To actually get into the spirit. To actually believe that there is someone who doesn’t want one more trendy t-shirt or figurine. To actually understand the meaning of “don’t get me anything”. I don’t have the $$ to reciprocate with something meaningless anyway.

I did see some lovely Christmas cards though. The picture was by the creator of the comic strip “Mutts” (can’t remember his name at the moment), and the paper in the cards is made from organic sources and impregnated with flower seeds. So, you bury the card in your yard and in the spring, you have flowers. I rather liked those. A good deal more lasting and meaningful than something that will end up in the landfill.

As always, thanks for this thought-provoking post Steve.

(I went back and looked it up - you can get the “Grow A Note” cards at:
http://www.greenfieldpaper.com/asccustompages/products.asp?categoryid=3 )
# Heidi M.on 07 Dec 2008 at 4:50 pm

oops - didn’t mean to post again. sorry.
# Steve N. Leeon 07 Dec 2008 at 6:45 pm

I like your cards, Heidi. Yep, that’s a cool idea. I’ve also seen something similar that has seeds incorporated into its packaging but I can’t remember what it was now.

I’m afraid the other site you mention is down for maintenance at the moment.

Yes, people just don’t get the ‘don’t buy me anything’. I suppose it’s because so many people say similar things in other situations and are then devastated when people actually take notice of what they’ve said.

I do know what you mean about the latest T-shirt, etc - oh, I can’t abide the notion of having the have some piece of crap just because a load of people were gullible enough to make it ‘the’ fashionable must-have. Drives me spare!

All that said, I do actually enjoy Christmas. I enjoy getting and giving presents. I enjoy sharing it with my family. I enjoy the spirit of it. I don’t want to pretend otherwise. All I’d like is for people to spend more wisely than they usually do. Make it a ‘crap-free’ Christmas!

Thanks for sharing, Heidi.

Terrie, you ever get tired of those handcrafted Afgans, I know a Polish girl who’d be overjoyed to give them a caring home!

Yes, I can see why you value such gifts. There’s real love in something like that.

I’m afraid I have no idea what jerky is. Other than references to beef jerky in cowboy movies, I’ve never come across it - we don’t have it in England. I saw it in a gas station in Nevada this July and wondered about buying some, but somehow I doubt that would qualify as a true sampling!

Yes, ’stuff’ - how would the world manage without it? There’s a TV ad playing at the moment for one of our department/mail order stores - it shows a spaceship landing on another planet and giving the wondrous gift of ‘craving consumer goods’ to a civilization that appears to be living in harmony without greed, envy, or waste. As you can imagine, it’s one of the most horrendous adverts I’ve ever seen! And this is something to which corporations, the government, and the media want us to aspire!

You could weep, couldn’t you!?

Thanks for adding to the conversation, Terrie.

Hope you’ve both had a great weekend. Enjoy your week,
Steve
# Sueon 09 Dec 2008 at 6:08 pm

Hi Steve,

I really enjoy reading your words of wisdom. This article is very fitting for the season.

You and I are very like minded or should I say, Ania and I are very like minded. This year, as in past years, I have taken all the money that I would have spent on gifts for everyone and went to World Vision Canada and purchased medicines, books, goats, roosters and hens, seeds, and many other items that a Third World family would require just to live. Each member of my family receives a little card which is placed on the tree with the name of the gift that was given in their names. It has become a family tradition.

As all members of my family feel, I also feel that we have been truly blessed in this life. We must share these blessings with others.
In other words, we must stop wasting money on useless things, stop giving just because Auntie Bettie gave us a huge gift last year and instead start really giving…Give to those who face so many difficulties. Give so that they can sustain their lives and the lives of their children.
This type of giving does warm the heart and does bring a smile and it doesn’t fill the landfill sites.
Trust me, everyone should try it.

Blessings to all,
Sue
# Steve N. Leeon 10 Dec 2008 at 11:18 am

That’s very commendable, Sue. Very generous and humanitarian.

Yes, I hope people will read my post and see that giving unwanted gifts is not just a waste of their money, potentially insulting to the receiver, and a waste of the world’s resources, but it’s totally pointless. The whole point of giving a gift is to show that person you care and to brighten their day - giving garbage does neither.

Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy gift giving (and receiving!) but I just cannot believe the amount of wastage we willingly create every December. It’s criminal.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and giving others something to think about, Sue,
Steve
# Betteon 11 Dec 2008 at 9:57 pm

Steven….You are right the caveman did have all that hairy covering. Possibly life was a bit saner in a way it is not today. Plant trees………