Lions led by Sheep -

If so, how do you choose what to fight for? 

I went shopping to the supermarket Asda today. I had a list so I wouldn’t forget anything:

• 1 H&K 9mm submachine gun - to deal with a noisy neighbour 
• 10 grams of cocaine - to relieve the stress caused by said noisy neighbour
• 2 Thai hookers - well, a man has his needs
• And a bottle of water - thirsty work all that killing, flying, and whoring!

Would you believe it, the only thing they had was bottled water!

It seems the government, in its omniscience, has decided that good people shouldn’t be allowed automatic weapons, recreational drugs, or prostitutes!

Well, excuse me, but what about my FREEDOMS!? Continue Reading »

That’s a number so big you just can’t imagine it, can you? So let’s take the mystery out of it:

Laying 700 billion $1 bills end to end would reach two-thirds of the way to the Sun and weigh as much as seven American aircraft carriers.

You wouldn’t get much of a good night’s sleep with all that under your mattress, huh?

Or, to put it another way…

• 700 billion seconds ago civilization hadn’t evolved. 
• 700 billion minutes ago Man hadn’t evolved. 
• 700 billion hours ago the Tyrannosaurus Rex hadn’t evolved. 
• 700 billion days ago any life other than bacteria hadn’t evolved. 
• 700 billion dollars ago was just last week for the U.S. Government. Hmm… I wonder when brains evolved?

$700 billion! Just think of all the wondrous things you could do with that amount of money!

For a start, you could simply hand every last penny over to a bunch of banks that landed themselves in a tad of trouble through a couple of poor managerial decisions, couldn’t you? In fact, I can’t think of anything better to do with it.

Ooops, hold up… maybe I spoke too soon… Continue Reading »

Global warming is the greatest threat the modern world has ever faced. At its worst, global warming could:

• Devastate the world’s food production.
• Displace millions of people.
• Decimate biodiversity.

So can we stop global warming and the impending catastrophe? Well, as questions go, that’s about as difficult as they get.

Or is it? Could the answer actually be staring us right in the face?

Let’s see.

• Who were the first men to achieve powered flight? Yep, the Wright brothers.
• How about the ‘granddaddy’ of gravity? Newton, right?
• And the creator of everyone’s favourite invention? Could it be John Logie Baird?

So what do all these great innovators have in common? They all took on immense challenges. And conquered them!

Okay, I hear you screaming, “Steve, we HAVE taken on the challenge of global warming. Some of us are working our butts off to stop it!”

Yes, we are. And we’re failing.

Why?

Could it be we’ve accepted the wrong challenge?

Are we looking for the wrong answer?

So what should we be looking for?

How do you stop global warming? Could the answer be… Continue Reading »

You probably aren’t aware of this but rich people have a hard time.

And, I’m ashamed to say, I’m partly to blame!

Recently, I’ve criticised wealthy execs and politicians for being uncaring monsters who manipulate the world for profit, when, in reality, they’re simply trying to live their lives as best they can. They have it just as tough as anyone. Tougher even!

For example, have you ever stopped to think just how absolutely awful it must be to drive a Lamborghini?

No!?

So imagine all those precious hours wasted through constantly having to fill up the tank because it gets only 8 mpg. Not to mention the cost with oil prices rocketing!

But the true nightmare must surely be the curse of having an educated palate.

• You can’t visit most towns as so few have five star gourmet restaurants.
• You can’t shop cheaply at Wal-Mart but must use costly specialist retailers.
• You can’t pop to the drive-through if you’re peckish, but must phone your exclusive restaurant, praying for a cancellation and a free table!

With so many restrictions, it’s like being in prison!

So, have a heart - give the rich a break! Maybe even slip a few bucks under a parked Lamborghini’s windshield wipers next time you see one.

But that’s going to leave a huge void - who the hell can we bitch about!?

Okay, after meticulous research, I’ve found a few substitute hopefuls.

Who? Continue Reading »

There’s a killing to be made from exploiting the poor, but how can you grab your share before big businesses and governments snatch it all?

President Bush recently requested another $70 billion to fund the campaign in Iraq. Was Saddam a monster? Were there WMDs? Links to Al-Qaeda? Was it all about oil…? All excellent questions, but isn’t the question - Can’t $70 billion be better spent?

I don’t know about you but I like to fritter my hard-earned cash away on little luxuries like, oh, I don’t know, food, shelter, heating… So thanks to this voracious ‘shopping’ addiction of mine, it’s possible I’ll never see $70 billion in my bank account.

Of course, it might be different for you - the average wage in the U.S. is around $40,000 so you could see $70 billion in your account in just 1.75 million years.

Still, just in case you retire before you hit that landmark, here’s what $70 billion actually looks like - $70,000,000,000.00

Yep, that’s a whole lot of zeroes!

So, back to ‘the’ question - what could you spend all those zeroes on if not on killing people? Continue Reading »